My Winter “Break”
Mr. Thompson
just looked at me from a distance across the room. Right as he entered, I made
my back straight, took a deep breath, and flexed my muscles. I wanted to look impressive.
I wanted to stand out from all the other shmucks he meets. Not that I’m not
one, I just wanted to cast an allusion that would allow him to forget what I
resembled, even for just the slightest moment. He finally walked next to me and
pointed to his map hung on a nearby wall. “What’s in the lower left hand
corner?” he asked me. I tried not to my jumping nerves as best as I could, but
I can still feel my foot tapping up and down with me having no control over it.
Once I looked at the map, I had immediately recognized the figure. I tried to
think of the right way to say it without making myself look like a fool. “Dry
land?” I answered. I almost heard my voice crack. He sighed, “What continent?”
Of course, I had been so stupid. “Africa,” I finally answered. I could never
really speak with adults clearly. They always intimidated me. He then gave me
an hour lecture.
Towards the
end of the meeting, when I had got out from my seat and was about to leave, I
looked back at him and geeked-out for a moment. This really was my only chance.
I told him how much I admired his work and how it would live on for years. I
didn’t know whether he was truly listening to me, he could have been blocking
it all out since so many say the same. But he finally replied, “Thank you. That
means a lot. I just wished all of what I do could be better.” I left the room
pondering of what he just told me. I realized that the message was clear as
day. Someone can always improve from the person they are, even a perfectionist.
So in the winter of 2014, I set out to become a better person.
Was it
really a vacation? No, I thought of it as three short weeks from school. It
felt like 21 days off. But even at that the winter homework gloomed all over
me, killing every happy mood I felt. Most of the days I spent in my room on my
laptop or in front of my TV. I had bought a book the first week. It was the
bestselling novel Ready Player One by
Ernest Cline. The book was amazing. It is highly possible that a movie is in
the work currently. The best way to describe it would be somewhere in the lines
of: Willy Wonka meeting The Matrix. I also started and finished some TV series
on Netflix. But aside from all the amusing activities (sarcasm), the most
exciting thing that happened to me was on a 13-mile marathon run.
Going back
to the intro, I wanted to become a better person. I did my best to workout for
my own health and study more for classes in school. I even tried to be nicer to
everyone I met. But no matter how many sit-ups I had done, I was definitely not
prepared for the marathon day. To be honest, I had become extremely nervous on
the morning I woke up. I made my way to school after picking up my friend and
running mate. When we got to Irvine where all the other running students from
SRLA where, a group of my friends and I made our way to the bathrooms. On our
way to the starting line, I had stopped to tie my shoe that was when I found
it. A penny had been lying on the ground, heads up. Now, I am a very
superstitious person so I picked it up and set it in my pocket. However,
something told me I wasn’t going to receive the powers of Hermes.
So it started I ran as best as I
could. It was about 5 miles in when I had spotted this really attractive young
girl in front of me. I admired for a bit but then past her. About a mile later,
I really wanted to use the restroom so I stopped at the next set of urinals.
When I had walked out, I saw her again. What
are the odds? They were 50-50, resulting in a heads up penny. I took as a
sign and made my way towards her. I thought about what Mr. Thompson had said in
being a better person, well I was paraphrasing. I needed to build up my
confidence but I didn’t know what to say and my heart continued to pound. But
then it came to me. “What time is it?” was the smoothest thing I could come up
with. She looked at her phone, “10:30,” she answered. She asked me if it was my
first time in SRLA. We began chatting it up and soon enough she told me to
start running with her again. At that moment I knew she was interested.
I
had never done something like that; talk to a complete stranger. I got to know
more about her and by the end of the day I had her number. To this day I
wondered how I had pulled it off. Maybe it was the penny, or maybe it was the
lecture that Mr. Thomson had given. Either way, I was grateful since we
continued to text and stay communicated. This had happened the day before I
started second semester. It was a nice way to start off the next year.
Overall the essay is well written. You address the problems the future may face. In a cohesive way, your paragraphs lead into one another. Some improvements that can be made are adding anecdotes of stories of technology taking over lives.
ReplyDeleteThe citations provided supports the writing very well. The writing structure gives room for interpretation so what the writer is trying to convey is unclear. However the essay flows very well and captures the reader's attention. The essay is a bit colloquial so there should be more usage of sophisticated vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThe essay is well written and formatted Although in some parts of the essays, the writer could of been a little bit more descriptive in some aspects. The writer conveys their true feelings, describes their surrounding based on the 5 senses, and also states his opinion on his break. This blog could use some more vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThis essay uses a good variety of sensory details to describe his beloved experience during his winter break. Through the use of vivid details, the reader's attention is captured that allows them to picture what's going on.
ReplyDelete