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Sunday, February 22, 2015

Descriptive


My Winter “Break”
            Mr. Thompson just looked at me from a distance across the room. Right as he entered, I made my back straight, took a deep breath, and flexed my muscles. I wanted to look impressive. I wanted to stand out from all the other shmucks he meets. Not that I’m not one, I just wanted to cast an allusion that would allow him to forget what I resembled, even for just the slightest moment. He finally walked next to me and pointed to his map hung on a nearby wall. “What’s in the lower left hand corner?” he asked me. I tried not to my jumping nerves as best as I could, but I can still feel my foot tapping up and down with me having no control over it. Once I looked at the map, I had immediately recognized the figure. I tried to think of the right way to say it without making myself look like a fool. “Dry land?” I answered. I almost heard my voice crack. He sighed, “What continent?” Of course, I had been so stupid. “Africa,” I finally answered. I could never really speak with adults clearly. They always intimidated me. He then gave me an hour lecture.
            Towards the end of the meeting, when I had got out from my seat and was about to leave, I looked back at him and geeked-out for a moment. This really was my only chance. I told him how much I admired his work and how it would live on for years. I didn’t know whether he was truly listening to me, he could have been blocking it all out since so many say the same. But he finally replied, “Thank you. That means a lot. I just wished all of what I do could be better.” I left the room pondering of what he just told me. I realized that the message was clear as day. Someone can always improve from the person they are, even a perfectionist. So in the winter of 2014, I set out to become a better person.
            Was it really a vacation? No, I thought of it as three short weeks from school. It felt like 21 days off. But even at that the winter homework gloomed all over me, killing every happy mood I felt. Most of the days I spent in my room on my laptop or in front of my TV. I had bought a book the first week. It was the bestselling novel Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. The book was amazing. It is highly possible that a movie is in the work currently. The best way to describe it would be somewhere in the lines of: Willy Wonka meeting The Matrix. I also started and finished some TV series on Netflix. But aside from all the amusing activities (sarcasm), the most exciting thing that happened to me was on a 13-mile marathon run.
            Going back to the intro, I wanted to become a better person. I did my best to workout for my own health and study more for classes in school. I even tried to be nicer to everyone I met. But no matter how many sit-ups I had done, I was definitely not prepared for the marathon day. To be honest, I had become extremely nervous on the morning I woke up. I made my way to school after picking up my friend and running mate. When we got to Irvine where all the other running students from SRLA where, a group of my friends and I made our way to the bathrooms. On our way to the starting line, I had stopped to tie my shoe that was when I found it. A penny had been lying on the ground, heads up. Now, I am a very superstitious person so I picked it up and set it in my pocket. However, something told me I wasn’t going to receive the powers of Hermes.
So it started I ran as best as I could. It was about 5 miles in when I had spotted this really attractive young girl in front of me. I admired for a bit but then past her. About a mile later, I really wanted to use the restroom so I stopped at the next set of urinals. When I had walked out, I saw her again. What are the odds? They were 50-50, resulting in a heads up penny. I took as a sign and made my way towards her. I thought about what Mr. Thompson had said in being a better person, well I was paraphrasing. I needed to build up my confidence but I didn’t know what to say and my heart continued to pound. But then it came to me. “What time is it?” was the smoothest thing I could come up with. She looked at her phone, “10:30,” she answered. She asked me if it was my first time in SRLA. We began chatting it up and soon enough she told me to start running with her again. At that moment I knew she was interested.
            I had never done something like that; talk to a complete stranger. I got to know more about her and by the end of the day I had her number. To this day I wondered how I had pulled it off. Maybe it was the penny, or maybe it was the lecture that Mr. Thomson had given. Either way, I was grateful since we continued to text and stay communicated. This had happened the day before I started second semester. It was a nice way to start off the next year.

4 comments:

  1. Overall the essay is well written. You address the problems the future may face. In a cohesive way, your paragraphs lead into one another. Some improvements that can be made are adding anecdotes of stories of technology taking over lives.

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  2. The citations provided supports the writing very well. The writing structure gives room for interpretation so what the writer is trying to convey is unclear. However the essay flows very well and captures the reader's attention. The essay is a bit colloquial so there should be more usage of sophisticated vocabulary.

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  3. The essay is well written and formatted Although in some parts of the essays, the writer could of been a little bit more descriptive in some aspects. The writer conveys their true feelings, describes their surrounding based on the 5 senses, and also states his opinion on his break. This blog could use some more vocabulary.

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  4. This essay uses a good variety of sensory details to describe his beloved experience during his winter break. Through the use of vivid details, the reader's attention is captured that allows them to picture what's going on.

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